It's your Timbers guide to 2012

How will each Portland player stack up?
March 8, 2012 / By Mike Donovan,
Who will score first? Vote on the front page.

With the Major League Soccer season opener just four days away,’s Mike Donovan decides to preview every player on this year’s Timbers squad.

But, instead of going on and on about a player strengths and weaknesses, he has decided to use just 17 syllables for each Timber.

That’s right, a guide to the 2012 Portland Timbers using only haikus.

Bikes, food carts, microbrews and haikus. Soccer coverage styled for Soccer City, USA.

And now, the 2012 Timbers:

Eric Alexander
Capped in ‘11
Looks to crack starting lineup
Will play left or right?

Kalif Alhassan
No goals last season
What a pure talent he is
Now tries on defense!

Joe Bendik
Stuck behind Troy, Jake
Decade younger than Adin
See him in Reserves

Kris Boyd
Highest paid player
Scores goals, lots and lots of goals
Lots of name puns, too!

Freddie Braun
Quite a smart player
Former U-23 stud
Now just a reserve

Eric Brunner
A tough defender
Became a leader last year
Wins fights in the air

Mike Chabala

An instant legend
Shocked LA with his right foot
Good enough on D?

Diego Chara
Constant Energy
Led league in fouls last season
Key piece of the team

Futty Danso
From The Gambia
His broken foot means time off
Skinny but will fight

Bright Dike
Best name in Portland
Hulking beast can score some goals
How is his fitness?

Jake Gleeson

Ladies love cool Jake
Earned his back-up promotion
Lots of potential

David Horst
Can grow a great 'stache
Solid play from center back
Now has a bad hip

Andrew Jean-Baptiste
What a specimen
Young and raw, but looks the part
Will he see the field?

Jack Jewsbury
He is Captain Jack
Beloved by all his teammates
Rock in the midfield

Eddie Johnson

Grew up at ManU
Now he’s the English Twellman
Without all the goals

Ryan Kawulok
He went to UP
Right back just got signed last week
Depth for the future

James Marcelin
Lock down games with James
Tough as nails as holding mid
Call him the Closer

Hanyer Mosquera

Will start right away
Follows Jorge and Chara
Can he find success?

Darlington Nagbe
Best skills on the team?
MLS Goal of the Year
What’s his position?

Lovel Palmer
Likes to have a go
Despite playing at the back
Lone right back option?

Troy Perkins
Starting goalkeeper
One of the best in the league
Crucial part of team

Jorge Perlaza
A speedy striker
Who only scores goals at home
Consistent starter?

Steve Purdy
Once was the future
Plays more for country than club
Provides depth, I guess

Charles Renken
Cost nothing for him
First MLS Zambian
Just 18 years old

Brent Richards
First home grown Timber
Best player in PDL
Will play sparingly

Sebastian Rincon
Not signed to a deal
Look for club to lock him down
Born in ’94!

Franck Songo’o
Developed abroad
Could have a breakout season
Will he start Day One?

Chris Taylor
Reserves and friendlies
Are where you will see Taylor
Actual left back

Jose Adolfo Valencia

Was a big signing
Got hurt before he showed up
Might see him next year

Rodney Wallace
Timbers fan scapegoat
But scored against Tim Howard
Has fashion sense too

Sal Zizzo
Zig-Zag Sal Zizzo
Dribbles through with his head down
But injury prone

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